She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
