Already got asked if we're dating
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
