today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
