The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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