she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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