so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
