I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
