Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
