Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
