We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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