I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
