he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
