I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
