Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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