The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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