he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
