Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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