I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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