So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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