hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
