I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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