the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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