I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
