I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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