Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
