There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
