I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize