Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize