guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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