I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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