I love black thongs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
