Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize