dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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