I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my sisters under your porch take her home
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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