I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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