Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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