I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
