You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
