9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
