apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Terrible idea I love it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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