Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
