I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
