Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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