i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
