glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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