apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
