We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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