Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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