A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
