You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
