Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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