based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was like eating out sand paper
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
