That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
