btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
