i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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