Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
