Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
