just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize