He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
