He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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