I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
