i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
