it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
