You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
