I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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