I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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