you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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