I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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