Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
