i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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