everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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