ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
