You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
