she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
