Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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